Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Noah Curtis Godwin Lloyd: April 6th -April 8th 2008

** This was written just a few weeks after Noah's birth and subsequent death. Many people were asking what happened, and so I wrote this, so everyone who wanted to know, would know. There is so much more to the life of Noah, even if it was only 2 days worth. It's amazing what he's done!

~~ Jane

Many of you do not know Noah's Story- The story of the one and only ever Noah Curtis Godwin Lloyd.

Noah was SOO wanted. Matt and I looked forward to his arrival from day one of finding out he was on his way. In December we found out he was a boy, and knew for sure that his name would be Noah Curtis Godwin Lloyd. Noah- is my dad's first name, and my great grand fathers first name, Curtis- is Matthew's dad's first name, and Matthew's middle name, and Godwin - is my maiden name. Everyone was so excited, and we already felt like we knew the little guy!

I was due on March 28th- that day came and went- I didn't ever feel like I needed him out- I was quite comfortable for being so pregnant. Noah was born on April 6th 2008 at 6:13 PM after 3 rounds of induction did not work- he was born by c-section. He was beautiful, a perfect colour, got perfect apgar scores. Noah weighed 6 lbs 7 oz, and was 21inches long (yes, he takes after his father!)

Everything seemed so normal- Our parents were there, he slept so peacefully, he cried when you changed his bum. The nurses kept commenting on how beautiful he was- no one suspected anything was wrong.

Overnight that first night Noah started to spit up- green coloured stuff. We called the nurses to convey our great concern- and they said it was nothing to worry about- just mucus- apparently c-section babies are prone to spit up mucus for the first few days. it kept happening, over and over, and we kept calling the nurses to show them- they kept assuring us that nothing was wrong.

Not unusual for a newborn- Noah was finding it difficult to latch, and suck- and therefore he wasn't getting any, or much to eat. The nurses suggested we bottle feed him- so we tried a little- he didn't seem to catch on to that either.

Then- on April 8th at 3am the new nurse on duty saw Noah spit up. She was very alarmed... unlike the other nurses who assumed it was mucus. She believed us, and knew is was not normal. She called the ICU at the hospital to take him for tests, and for fluids, since he hadn't been eating.

30 minutes later there was already a transfer team from Sick Kids on their way to get Noah- and a surgery team ready to receive him. We were panicked- we knew it was serious.

We got to Sick Kids and a nurse and social worker met us at the elevator- Noah's Small intestine had perforated- we signed surgery consent and he was sent to surgery. even the surgeon sounded like he was going to be ok.

Then, 1 hour later the surgeon came into the room my family was waiting in- she knelt down and cried. They couldn't save him. His small intestine had malrotated during development which caused it to strangle itself. The entire small intestine was dead, and because it had perforated, the infection was spreading throughout his little body. Humans cannot live without a small intestine, and they do not attempt transplants for children under 12 months.

We knew we had to say goodbye.

Noah was kept on morphine so he felt no pain, and he was on a breathing tube. With the nurses from the Sick Kids NICU I went with Matt, my mum, and our Minister Jamie to get him- he was alive, but not awake- the muscle relaxants they give during surgery were still active. We put a hand made christening gown on him (from Sick Kids) and brought him to the 'family' room where all of Noah’s Grandparents were, along with a couple friends. Noah could hear and feel us. His brain functioning was normal. he knew he was loved.

We each took turns holding him, singing to him, telling him how much he is loved and telling him about the people he didn't get to meet. Oh how hard this was. Noah was baptized.
Amazingly- it was when Jamie- the minister from our church was holding him, that the muscle relaxants started to wear off, Noah Opened his eyes and gripped his hand.

After everyone had said their goodbyes, Matthew and I held Noah together in our arms. The nurse took the breathing tube out and he passed away peacefully surrounded by him Mummy, daddy and grandparents within 45 minutes. We told him it was ok to go- we know he loved us, and he knew we loved him. He let him know he didn't have to be scared because that was the one thing that we could take from him. This was so very hard- watching the one thing you love most in the world- although only having him in your arms for 48 hours- watching him take his last breath, and feel his last heart beat.

The staff at Sick Kids were amazing- they gave us everything that Noah ever touched- and you could feel the compassion in the room.

Noah was so loved- although he only had 48 hours on this earth- he has changed many lives forever. I know that I will never be the same. I will always carry him with me in my heart- and I will also always carry this scar- that although it will heal in time- it will always be there. every pregnant women, stroller, baby, lullaby, hospital, reminds me of Noah. Every time I see a parents yelling at their children,. I want to go over and tell them that they are lucky to have them with them and to spend every second they have with their child wisely. Every moment I think of my Noah. I didn't know I could love someone so much- I now know what my parents mean when they say 'I love you so much' a parent love is different- it is a more pure love than anything I have experienced.

I miss all of the things I dreamt about for Noah- stroller rides in the park, his first bath at home, seeing him in his crib, introducing him to the animals, I miss the hopes I had for him- of being a generous and caring boy, or learning to swim and skate, of being a good friend, and of being a curious little boy.

I could go on forever- but I will stop here. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I know that writing about my Noah, and talking about my Noah, helps me right now. So that is what I am doing.


  1. My dear TImothy had the same thing. we were lucky that his bowl was saved. there was only a small piece that wasnt. he is now 10 years old. My heart rips out for you. I know all that you are talking about. the Dr. told us he was a miricle ... a miricle to still be alive. Timothy turned 2 days old on the operating table.

    Since than we have had 2 more childre. that makes 5 for us. we had two boys before our Timothy came along. and he died just before his second birthday. That was a pain that i never want to relive. Just wanted you to know. someone did read. and someone cared about your baby boy. God Bless. and may your new angle (I havent read his story yet) is happy ad healthy.

    God Bless from Alaska

  2. My husband and I held our son too when he died in our arms. I understand how you feel. I hope his sister makes a healthy entrance into the world.

  3. Your story is so touching and it brought me to tears. I'm so sorry you had to say goodbye.

  4. Reading your story is just truly heartbreaking. Our stories are so similiar yet so different. I could feel your pain and heartache through every word that you wrote so beautiful and so loving. I can see that Noah was loved so very much. Please if you ever need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to e-mail me any time. My contact e-mail is on my blog. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it's not easy.

  5. Noah was so beautiful. I'm so sorry that he died and that you don't have him. Thank you for sharing your story...

  6. I am in tears reading Noah's story. What a precious boy. Even though our story's are different, I feel your heartache. Noah will always watch over his sister.

  7. I am so dreadfully sad that your precious baby cannot be with you. This is so heartwrenching and tragic and I cannot belief how unfair. We too had a precious son Noah lost - stillborn. I wish you all the best in your journey and I am so very pleased you get to share your love with Noah's little sister. xx

  8. Jane--I just read Noah's story and I am so glad you wrote it down. It makes me feel good to write about Chase in the same way. Your words brought tears to my eyes and I am so sorry that it happened. Noah was and is beautiful. He will forever be part of you and will always be Charlotte's angel watching over her.

  9. my heart breaks reading this. i am so sorry that your sweet noah is not here with you. such a loss... such a beautiful boy. It's all I can say, words are inadequate. I am just so very, very sorry.

  10. I am in tears, thank you for sharing this, it really touched me.

  11. I just found your blog. I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to your sweet little guy. Your story has really touched me.

  12. I too held my son as he died in my arms at just three days old. Your story touches something inside me that I seem to wear on my sleeve -- all of that grief, I can feel it, it's mine too. I'm so sorry, I wish everything had been different for us both.

  13. I read Noah's story again today - on his 2nd birthday. I cried with you and in my mind's eye saw all that happened. Because Akul died in my arms, I know exactly how it feels to say goodbye to the one you love with all your heart and soul. Hugsssssssssss...Thinking about Noah and you.

  14. Noah's story really hit home for me. It sounds like he had Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC) am I right? My baby girl was born premature and after 18 days in the NICU she developed this dreaded disease or "condition" they call it. :( She was too young for surgery and passed away in my arms the next morning. My heart breaks with yours knowing there was nothing more we could do. I'm SO sorry about precious Noah and he and you will be in my thoughts and prayers always.

  15. as a mother I can't imagine this and you're right to say that a parents love is the truest love in the world. I was brought to tears and I'll keep him in my prayers. I'll also keep up with your letters to little Noah. Bless you all.

  16. What a touching story, thank you for sharing it with the world.

  17. Every day I talk my daughter to the park near our house with the swings in Brampton, Ontario, Canada, we walk past a small tree that was planted in honour of your son with a plaque with his name on it. I had no idea who this littler man was but I noticed today that the date was only 2 days for his life span. I was curious and decided to google his name, and found this site. I am so sorry for you loss and I know that it has been a few years since his passing, but I did want to let you know that this site and the story of your little man is read all the time. I will post this on my facebook page for everyone to read about. Again, I am sorry for yo loss. May god bless you and your family and watch over your little son.